Why do we make relationships so hard?
Your relationship should be easy. Your relationship should be home. Your comfort zone. The place you come to relax, laugh and be free. But we don’t. We make our relationship hell based on unreasonable and unrealistic expectations of others. But why? Let’s explore.
Using other people’s emotions as the foundation for yours. Why are you asking someone else how they feel about your situation when you need to be asking yourself that question deep down instead. What is your intuition telling you? What is the other person showing you? It’s ok to ask for advise but based off your own feelings. Not what other people assume.
These damn reality shows, movies and tv shows. If you really want to use a tv show as your base why not use the Cosbys. They show you how to have an argument and then make up without holding grudges. Instead you view love and hip hop as your bible to all relationships. Where is their faith? Where is their stability? Where is their foundation? Where is their honesty? There is zero trust between them and everyone is selfish.
Money. Money has become one of the reason people have trust issues. Everyone wants to come up. But no one wants to help the other achieve their dreams and come up together. One person pulling more weight than the other and ends up being left behind, leaving people bitter and trying to play every person they come across. Also sex. Sex sells, men and women lust after things and people that are unattainable. Trying to find themselves in everything wrong because they want to see if they are still desired by the world. And reality goes out the window. They fall in love with the images of fast life and everything becomes about self. Mine mine mine and not us.
So how can we change this? How can we get back to what our grandparents had? When life was simple, Love was strong and family was everything to live for. We need to slow down. Slow all the way down and listen to each other’s wants and desires. People don’t talk anymore. At least not in complete sentences. This is exactly how things get missed. In the words that was not said. This is a fast pace life with short hand text and even shorter attention spans. Dating has become about clubs and movies, not picnics and long walks. Relationships have become selfies and memes, not love letters and dreams. People swiping left and right when you need just close out of the app period. This is what’s missing.
When was the last time you put your phone down and asked the person you are with, “How can I help you achieve your life long dream?” When was the last time you put your whole focus on making the other person comfortable? How about just showing up with flowers and love note just because? How about a real home cooked meal from your grandmas recipe and not from a box or take out? When was the last time you stayed up all night just talking learning about one another without sex being the main focus? Let’s get back to the basics, where do you see yourself in 5 years? How does your family get along? How do you handle stressful moments? Who do you admire in your family and why? What kind of relationship are you looking for? What drives you? Are you ambitious? What part did you play at the end of your last relationship? How was your childhood? These questions are vital and if you and the other person is 100% open and honest, you can learn a lot about them. You can figure out if this will work, if you want to try it out or if you just need to walk away.
Once the lines of communication has an open ended portal, things are limitless. There is no need for secrets. Communication build trust. Relationships can be easy and not forced. There will be disagreements but being able to talk honestly and open will stop a lot of drama and you can move forward without holding a grudge. Keeping each other on the same page, knowing the others triggers, their desires in life, and helping each other dreams come true with working together can save your relationship.
Let’s start today and tell the person your with your true intentions and desires. Don’t be with a person out of conveniences or what if. Be with someone for love and cherish these moments. If you can’t see the future of tomorrow, that relationship isn’t for you. If you’re unsure about what you should be doing, create a list of what you want from a person. If it doesn’t match up with what you have then it is time to move on. Time waits for no one and you want to make sure you are with the right one and receive the best out of life. If you found the one, cherish them. Love them and keep that spark alive. And don’t let the outside dictate inside your home.
Relationships can take some work but you have to be willing to pull up your bootstraps and get in the mud. You’re gonna get dirty but there’s some real pretty gems in there that you will discover.